ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
