well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
