just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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