I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
