Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
