he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
