I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
