i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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