This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
