Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
