I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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