New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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