Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
