You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
