I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
