I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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