Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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