My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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