i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
