omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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