Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
