I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
