i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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