girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
