Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
