margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
