So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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