planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
