you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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