walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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