Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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