I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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