My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
