And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
