I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I look better un-naked...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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