My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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