Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
