she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
