Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize