If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
