Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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