i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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