We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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