I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
