Barsexuality is the new black.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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