thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
