I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
