I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He shit in the fireplace
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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