he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
