You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
