It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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