I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
